Houghton Mifflin Discussion Forums

Replies: 7

lilypad

Posts: 143
Registered: 10/14/09

Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 26, 2010 9:13 PM

My husband and I took a leap of faith this past weekend and left our 17 year old (addict) with his 24 and 26 year old (responsible) brothers in charge. He totally took advantage of the situation - never came home Friday night. Completely disregarded our instructions on where he could go and when. He tested positive for alcohol when got home Sunday night. Today he skipped 3 classes at school. He says that staying clean and out of trouble is too hard. We had to let his probation officer know. She is planning to go to the Judge. He may end up in boot camp. I am sick to my stomach and so afraid of what might happen.

lilypad

Posts: 143
Registered: 10/14/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 26, 2010 9:22 PM

I am also afraid of what will happen if we don't do anything. I know that there are no guarantees but where there is life there is hope. The other thing we faced on our weekend away was a call from my Dad. Our longtime neighbors' 33 year old son O.D. Friday. They have been through so much with him - the lies, stealing, jail, rehab, ups and downs. They are raising his son (now 4 years old). Now he is gone. About an hour after that phone call we were walking past a homeless man. As we passed by with eyes averted he fell off the park bench where he sat and lay on the ground having a seizure. We helped as best we could and waited until the authorities arrived. Some locals told us that the man was a VietNam vet and an alcoholic. I once more realized the future awaiting my son if he continues on his current path. It breaks my heart. He is at a 12 step meeting right now but he is resistant to the fact that he has a problem.

Fatima

Posts: 125
Registered: 12/30/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 4:08 PM

Hi, our wayward daughter now (19), two years ago was sentenced from juvenile hall to a jail/camp for six months. We instead sent her to a very expensive out of state program for 16 months-cost $70,000. She made some improvement and towards the end we thought she had turned the corner! However, as soon as she turned 18 she walked out and now on her own doing drugs. Many family and friends suggested we just let her do her time in the county facility which would have cost us nothing. It's a really difficult choice, but If I had to do it all over again, I would agree with the judge and send her to boot camp. They need to be accountable for their actions. I parent I know called the cops on her son age (16) for assault while on drugs. He spent 60 days in juvenile hall and now is home on house arrest, going to an independent studies school and doing better. This kid meets with his PO weekly and is tested ramdonly.

waterdance

Posts: 624
Registered: 6/10/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 4:49 PM

Hello Fatima, Hello All, Fatima your great outlay of money was in a short time and now you still have a messed up kid that has walked away from you. Her going through the court system may have brought the same results. My husband and I have spent thousands upon thousands on housing,food, court sessions, rehabs, paying bills, setting kids up in businesses, cars, taking care of grandkids, bailing people out, nevermind all the valuables stolen and bad checks paid for. I know almost everyone of you think "this won't be my kid". My kid is not criminal, my kid is "smarter" than that, my kid isn't that cruel. I'm just writing about what could be down the road. I was in a denial and thought they would mature out of their habits. I'm just saying quit helping. Hang on to your resources. Find your own lives. The kids will come out of it or they won't. Learn to detach. Kids become married to their drug and in their mind you don't count. They lose good thinking, they lose their souls. Best wishes, Deb

cindykay

Posts: 284
Registered: 6/5/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 28, 2010 11:12 AM

Deb, I agree with everything you have stated. An addict has no logical thinking process while actively using. Some will make it, some won't. We have no control over it. It is all up to the addict and with our assistance, not help, they can begin the long road to recovery. Recovery is the hardest never ending journey the addict will make. I believe that is why there is so much relapse. As hard as it is, it can be our child and is our child. There is nothing we can do to make them stop. I made it as difficult as possible, no phone, car, or money. She still found a way. Today in her sobriety, she still amazes me. But the journey was ever soooo long.

lori-in-irvine

Posts: 109
Registered: 11/29/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 5:33 PM

Hi Lily,

There is no benefit from rehashing the past, but I can't help but think that early intervention with my son might have prevented several disasterous situations from occurring. I minimized the seriousness of his condition and fooled myself into thinking he would outgrow his impulsive and reckless behavior but this was poor judgement on my part. These things almost nevery get better on their own but I had a lot of denial disguised as optimism. Knowing what I know now, a very rigid protocol, admininstered by people who are not his parents, with tough consequences for disobeying the rules, might have had a successful outcome. The longer this disease progresses the worse it gets. Your son is young and his patterns aren't "etched in stone" (yet). You did the right thing notifying his PO, in many cases the legal system is the only way these kids will stop their self destruction, do whatever it takes, stay strong. You have options. Take care of yourself.

lilypad

Posts: 143
Registered: 10/14/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 8:31 PM

Thanks for the encouragement. I wish I felt more optimistic about Chris' future. We put him in treatment for the first time at age 13 as soon as we realized he was using pot. After 6 months of Intensive Outpatient I was sure we had done the right thing by jumping on it right away. Little did I know that within 2 months he would be trying any drug he could get his hands on. 9 months of residential followed. He ended up running away and getting arrested. He has been involved with the courts for almost 2 years now. On the whole the past 3 months he has made more good choices than bad but it is mainly because he knows he will end up in boot camp if he gets caught. I just want this whole nightmare to go away....

lori-in-irvine

Posts: 109
Registered: 11/29/09

Re: Cycling down again?
Posted: Apr 27, 2010 9:56 PM

You've taken all the proper steps and more, sometimes these kids just refuse to recover, they haven't finished this drive to self destruct that seems to take over, it's such a mystery. Sometimes I think part of it is their way of wrenching control away from anyone in "authority", like anorexia is not about food (it's about control) for some people addiction may be like that. I think drugs were a way my son could gain the upper hand in a family power struggle, even if it killed him in the process, reason shuts down and the drugs take over and then it's an unstoppable compulsion. Boot camp may be a suitable option, anything that separates your son from his drugs is positive, even if you are just buying time. If staying out of boot camp motivates your son to stay clean then that's a solution too. Whatever works. Sorry if I'm rambling....