It has just been a little over 1 yr. since our son died. He had been a user for 4yrs. He tried everything and anything that his drug buddies would sell him. I had seen David and Nic on the Oprah show and read the book the next day, I tried to get my husband to read it but wouldn't. He was put in jail by girlfriends father for trespassing on his property that he knew of but didn't care. After staying in jail for 33 days he made a promise he would try rehab again (this would have been his 4th try), I drove him there the next day he walked in and walked out. He pleaded with his father and I that he knew all the steps, we kinda agreed since he had been to 3 other rehabs(he was 19 we couldn't make him stay) That nite he went out with this kid we never met but our son told us he was going to help him get a job, couldn't have been a nicer kid clean cut and polite(unlike his other loser friends). He came back about two hrs. later and said he got a job, he was so proud. We went to bed that nite and next morning woke up to find he had been up all nite fighting with his girlfriend and that she had cheated on him when he was in jail. He asked for some money for mcdonalds and we left for work. We got home around 3 and he had overdosed on heroin, they said he probably had a heart attack because of no use for over a month. We found 3 empty baggies and three more not touched. I thought the kid that picked him up was going to be a good friend to my son, later to find out he deals but doesn't touch the stuff. My husband and I had no idea he was using heroin because he has been a different person for the last four yrs. He had two older brothers and one younger and let me tell you they hated him, because of what he was doing to the family. I just shredded all his paper work on the eve of his first yr. of his death, I counted 12 arrest. When in jail for those 33 days my husband and I were on the same page for the first time about not getting him out, but later to find out he would call my husband. I sent 3 books while he was there Beautiful Boy, Tweek and auto biography by Josh Hamilton (Rangers baseball player)he said he read of three and even talked about them to me when he came out the last two days on earth, he said those books changed his life and he was going change. The night before the devil sent one of his workers one more time to pick up my son, and I believe God said to my son its time to go and took him the next afternoon. The only memories I hold is the less than 48 hrs. he was out telling us how much family meant and how much he loved us (which I had not heard in 4 yrs.
I am so sad to hear that your story had to end this way. That is so heartbreaking. Our family has lost 6 friends and acquaintances to drugs this year. My 17 year old is in his 5th treatment center. He has expressed that he is really tired of letting drugs rule his life. I know that stopping is easier said than done. I hope that as you think of your son you can remember the good things that he brought to this world and that your whole family can find healing. Thank you for being strong enough and brave enough to share your journey here.
Dear erin43, Your letter is so heartbreaking.I just got home from seeing my friend Sandi who owns a thrift store in this small town. She lost her 28 year old daughter to drugs a year ago, July 19, 2009. She is still having a rough time and will for awhile.
I lost my son John 4 and a half years ago to a stroke caused by excessive drug use (meth and pain killers). Have two daughters, one is into meth and whatever. She hasn't seen my husband and I for 4 years...has called a few times. Last time she let me know she needed money.
After John died and Stella wasn't seeing me I stared at the walls a lot, cried every day. I felt shattered. The first six months of 2009 I became ill and was taken to hospital twice with what they said was a virus, then flu. My system had broken down from extreme stress. I started reading about spiritial healing, right-brain thinking, timeshifting and I found this forum and made up my mind to live. I made up my mind to live for myself and for the people that were still in my life. I found out that I had much in my life. I was rich with relatives, friends, animals, love of nature, love of reading. The more I looked around I became richer. Becoming aware is the answer. Accepting what is... is all you can do.
erin43 you can get your life back.....You can do this. Please keep reading this forum and keep writing on this forum. Let us know how you are. Go back through the old posts and you will realize that so many of us are also on your journey along with you. Hugs to you, Deb
I am so sorry for your loss. Today, I fear I may have the same ending for my son. He was back home after treatment, saying the right things, doing a lot of the right things, went to have supper with a sober friend on Sunday night and took off from there. He called me at work today, in terrible pain, really sick, crying, scared. We've been down this road so many times and I was told by a professional working with him that he is going to die if he keeps using the way he is. He has been close a couple times. I don't know what to say anymore really. I just said that I loved him deeply, I always have and always will, but I can't rescue him. I said to go to the hospital, he said "no". He said he would try to call tonight but he has not. I hate drugs, I hate what this does to families. I am so tired and sad.
Hello All, JLP2...I know you must be living under absolutely unbearable stress. Somehow, someway you need to get your bearings back and claim your life once more. Chances are your son may come out of this and it will be because he decides to. In the meanwhile you need to fight for your own life. Stress is a real killer. There are others who need you well. Will be thinking about you with heartfelt thoughts. Hugs to you tonight. Deb
I am so sorry to hear this and I feel like we are all living the exact same nightmare, its heartbreaking. My 19 yr old son lost TWO FRIENDS this week, in 8 days! One took an overdose of sleeping pills and antidepressants, the other one was just found Wednesday of a heroin overdose. My son is shaken up but I fear not enough to stop. He's been near death himself more times than I care to count. He almost died on his birthday from a heroin overdose, the paramedics said 10 more mins he'd have turned blue. I don't know where he is right now, he is unemployed, has no car, no money, no home. I did not let him move in with me and my boyfriend when we moved last week into a house together. I'm tired of the nightly drama, theft, lying, taking my car in the middle of the night, nearly burning our house down, etc. Tough love. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone dealing with this nightmare. We have to take care of ourselves and tell them how much we love them but yes do not rescue them anymore.
After rading the posts tonight my heart aches for all of you whose beloved children are stuill waging this war with addiction and even though only we can see it, they are losing. You are strong and brave women and I pray for the safety of your sons and daughters and peace for each of you. Addiction is one of the few cases where identifying the problem and knowing there is another way of life is not enough. I care deeply about you all...Laura
I am so sorry for your loss. Currently, my son is struggling with a similar story. I am hopeful rehab the second time will be better and he will come back with renewed hope and interest in LIFE. I will never give up. I am currently working on my Masters in Grief Counseling and would like to chat with you if you would like. Telling your story helps those of us that are also struggling. Perhaps we can help each other. firstname.lastname@example.org I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Erin, my thoughts are still with you tonight. You did all that you could do. What Laura said in her post,,, "Addiction is one of the few cases where identifying the problem and knowing there is another way of life is not enough.", is so true!
My son has been battling addiction for many years now. We have done the rehabs, therapist, and everything else we could possibly think of. Addiction is horrible and can wreck havoc on a family.
One thing I have learned is that addiction touches people from all walks of life and that whether we enable and even when we don't, the outcome is simply out of our hands.
You are in my heart tonight Erin. Tonight I will light a candle in honor of your Beautiful Boy.