I dont even know where to start..my days and nights have just blurred together after what seems to be an eternity of going thru my 23 year old sons herion, xanax, adderall and probably anything else you can think of addiction...its been 6 years since he told me that he had a problem and after countless attempts at rehabs from texas to california, minneapolis, wisconsin and tens of thousands of dollars spent on him I can honestly say that things just continue to get worse. Overdoses are becoming the norm..I dont even go the the hospital anymore when I get the calls...my heart cannot take anymore pain and I refuse to watch him killing himself anymore. To add to this nightmare, my daughter married a ex-addict who was diagnosed last year with terminal brain cancer and was given heavy pain meds during the surgerys..within a 6 months both my 26 yr old daughter and her husband were both addicted and quickly graduated to shooting herion. My husband have had custody of our precious 2 year old grandson for the last 8 months. I had purchased Beautiful Son a year ago but with the constant everyday drama I had never finished reading it until this weekend... I PROMISE YOU, this is my story. If you were just to add my daughter to the story line it would be complete...there is so much more that I could write but like you, I'd have to write a book. Bottom line...I have finally reached a point (and believe me, Ive been thru so much...even people of alanon told me that I was in the upper 2% of parents who could hold out this long trying to help without just throwing in the towel) Unfortunatly I can no longer hang on to hope. My son is a ticking time bomb and my daughter isnt far behind. I can honestly say that in the end I know that I did EVERYTHING I possibly could. I love my children and losing them will kill me but I cant continue living like this either.
Having 2 addicted children must be devastating. 6 years is along time, but your son is still young, nothing is hopeless as long as they are alive. This is the beginning of my 4th year, and I still have hope, but it is slim and I am not delusional. I have not thrown in the towel but there will be a point very soon when I will because I feel things moving in that direction, partly because now the State of California court system has taken control away from me, thankfully. How does he pay for his drugs? Food? If he is stealing perhaps jail will sober him up and keep him that way for awhile, it can sometimes save their lives.
I am praying for you and your kids. I hope they will not be claimed by this horrible disease.
Things need to change in this country. Addiction is taking away too many of our kids. Our doctors need to stop prescribing these addictive drugs, which the pharmaceutical industry rewards them for doling out. Our healthcare industry needs to see addiction for what it is: a huge public health threat to our youth. Our kids don't know the truth about the gateway drugs that lead them down this destructive path. We need to shut down the budding marijuana industry which threatens to be worse for this country than the tobacco industry has been.
Will it be up to us? The hurting mothers, fathers and grandparents of addicts?
I am so sorry for your pain. I know the feeling of helplessness. I have two sons in the their early 30's who have been addicted to heroin. Now they're addicted to the methodone used to treat them. One is a social worker and the other a truck driver and neither one can hold down jobs right now. Besides using the methadone they drink to sustain the high from the methadone. I've called so many rehabs and they all say the methadone treatment is the wrong way to go. I've even written to Intervention television show and they wrote me back but I couldn't get my sons to cooperate to get help. Then my daughter went to a psychiatrist and he's treating her with xanax, geodon, adderal, seroquel, ambien and several others. At one point she was abusing the xanax and ambien. She had a car accident; destroyed her car, lost her license, didn't have insurance and two days later neighbors called the police because she wasn't taking care of her daughter. I now am guardian to my three year old granddaughter. I don't know where this all will end but I pray every day that the three of them can find their way back to sobriety and a normal lifestyle. My daughter is doing better, but my grand daughter has some serious issues about not feeling safe already. I can't believe the nightmare we are all living and I find it amazing that we all get through each day.
I too have a daughter that is an addict. I understand your pain. The pain of watching someone you love so much destroy themselves has been unbearable. And watching the pain my grandchildren have endured has been equally painful. I've been put in postition's i never wanted to be in like having my daughter arrested and calling child protection services on her, knowing her children would be taken from her. I could not stand by and watch my grandchildren be put in harms way. I too know in my heart that I have done all I can do for her. As a mother it's so difficult to not beable to fix and protect your own child, absolutely heartbreaking !!!
I must comment on marijuana being a gateway drug. I guess it is.
I got hooked on speed, dexies, benzies, black beauties, and meth. Alcohol before and during all that. That was pretty bad, the meth part. Meth is SO GOOD it really sucks. It is the best thing I know, it is the worst thing I know. While on meth I discovered marijuana at a different source. I used marijuana as a gateway to sanity. I'd buy a quarter pound for personal use. THAT was my best decision in life. It was! It was cheaper than meth, and gave me time to think and reflect. Meth turns the brain OFF. MJ opens new possibilities, it turns the brain on. MJ was unconditional, meth had some conditions attached - scary stuff. MJ was my gateway drug. It was like an antidote for me, meth wanted to kill me quick, and I was willing for that conclusion.
My path to sanity was marijuana. Things are good now, I haven't smoked MJ for 25 years now.
My experience is different than common literature.
I was always different, I am still different. I tried to be the same, and that did not work out well. I am still different.
I have found that Heroin is taking over our nation. I am in hopes that we can somehow all overcome our tragic situations of dealing with our addicted children. I have 2 children, one dealing with his heroin addiction and one who has an eating disorder. Both are bright, wonderful, intelligent beings and I have to believe in my heart of hearts that the future holds wonderful things for them, and for me. It is a struggle, but one I will never give up on. I just can't. I know how much of my life this has taken over, but without them, my life really has no meaning or purpose. Keep your hope, your prayer. I will for you and all that suffer from this tragedy. Peace be with you.
It is so heart wrenching to hear the anguish of another mother's grief. My daughter is an addict, her drug of choice was mostly alcohol. But if I can give you any sense of hope at all, after several years of those same exhausting hopeless days, she finally got sober! She has been in a 12 step recovery program for 3 1/2 years now and flourishing. Not a day goes by that I don't think of those days and if and when they will return. But right now, today, we have hope. Each new day brings another day of hope. So, please, don't lose hope. Let go of the things you can not control and just give yourself some time to rest and regain your strength. Like a counselor for family's living with addicts once told me, like soldiers, you must come in from the war, rest and regain your strength, so that you may go back out to war to keep fighting the battle. I hope you find peace and rest in order that you and your family may carry on.