Houghton Mifflin Discussion Forums

Replies: 3

astrangertome

Posts: 2
Registered: 12/20/10

Feeling hopless and helpless
Posted: Dec 20, 2010 10:48 PM

I am a mother who is feeling hopeless and helpless right now. I have a daughter that is an IV drug user. Her drug of choice is opiates. What happen to the days when I could fix everything for her with just a kiss or a hug. This addiction is so much bigger then I. She too has been through treatment several times and each time relapses shortly after her release. It's been devastating watching my beautiful girl transform into someone that is unrecognizable to me. A girl that once had hopes and dreams to someone that lives her day searching for her next high. Someone that will lie, steal and compromise everything and everyone to get what she wants (her fix), including her own children. I've been told by many people to disassociate myself from her. How do you do that as a mother ? As a mother you have an instinct to try and help your child not turn your back on them. But at the same time I cant bare to live with the pain of watching her destroy herself anymore. Wondering if today will be that horrifying day that I get that phone call that she's overdosed and is dead ! The pain and fear has been paralyzing ! How do you live your life when your child's life is at risk. I need to know !!!

Fatima

Posts: 125
Registered: 12/30/09

Re: Feeling hopless and helpless
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 11:45 AM

Hello and welcome to this forum,

I share your pain, grief and that paralyzing fear that is so overwhelming. My daughter age 19 does meth and like yours is unrecognizable. She lives in motels and has compromised all the values we've taught her. It's been terribly difficult for me and the rest of the family. My heart aches for her and the worry/fear has been my companion. I am working on getting help for myself by going to AlAnon meetings where I've met other parents in pain who know how I feel. I've been attending for over a year and slowly have begun my journey of recovery. I say slowly because it's been so hard... Yesterday a parent shared about her son, just released from jail barely 20 years old.. this mom is also working on her recovery and her journey to heal by letting God take over her son's life, afterall they too have a higher power in their life. Her share and others like in this forum give me comfort in knowing that I am not alone. There are no easy answers for this "monster" living inside our children. I've learned that I did not cause it, can't cure it and can't control it. We are powerless over their addictions, only they can seek help for themselves. I love my daughter and older son who's an alcoholic sitting in jail right now, with unconditional love, but I also have an obligation to love myself and the other family members who need me to be ok. Please if you have not yet attended, go to an AlAnon meeting or any other parent support group. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

sweet jane's mom

Posts: 81
Registered: 5/10/09

Re: Feeling hopless and helpless
Posted: Dec 21, 2010 11:00 PM

I have a daughter who is recovery from heroin addiction. That is, I think she's in recovery, based on what she tells me - I'm in the midwest and she's on the west coast, so I'm trying to believe that it's true. I think that the most important piece for me has been reaching out to other parents who understand what I'm going through and want to talk about it. When I opened up to others about it, it was amazing to me how most people have more knowledge of alcoholism/addiction than I would have guessed. And quite frankly, the ones who don't would usually judge me as a poor parent, so I don't focus on them! I also have to make an effort to fill my life with things I love - my other children, friends, exercise. I learned to ski - I love the rush of speed and this was the perfect thing for me to learn. I also found that I had to learn to sleep at night again. When my daughter has relapsed, I talk to her of nothing but going back into treatment - I really believe it's the only way for her to survive. I understand your fear and pain - I wish that I had the answer. I haven't found anyone who does. Bless you and your daughter.

Lori

Posts: 28
Registered: 9/29/10

Re: Feeling hopless and helpless
Posted: Dec 27, 2010 1:45 PM

I wish I knew how to cope with this agony, the persistent fear looming over us that we may lose our children is a horror beyond words. For me, I need to keep my raging anxiety at bay by writing, participating in forums, attending Alanon meetings, and clinging to small hopes that he might someday recover. "Taking Action" has always helped me avoid panic, so I stay busy. This xmas I baked up a storm, make gorgeous xmas cookies, and gained 10 pounds (don't recommend). I also maintain a file on rehabs, counselors, hospitals, detox facilities, local NA groups, and all sorts of recovery tools. Whenever my son "hits bottom" and is willing (or the court orders it) I get him into some kind of rehab. I have used interventions too in dire situations. Even if recovery only lasts a few months, it is a few months of sobriety so I accept that as a gift. Sobriety (and codependency) is one day at a time. As long as our children are still alive they may recover. Don't give up hope. Stay strong.