Houghton Mifflin Discussion Forums

Replies: 9

kiah

Posts: 168
Registered: 8/18/09

Dr Phil
Posted: Feb 25, 2010 9:42 PM

I was disapointed a bit with Dr Phil show yesterday. I realize that most of the addicts families are enablers in different ways , at different times. ?But He had parents on his show and to me shows little regaurd to what place they are in with their children. I also think that by taking it where he did that the addicts saw him put way too much of the responsability on the parents and families. I really believe most of it lays on the addicts shoulders. Did anybody else see this show?

Fatima

Posts: 125
Registered: 12/30/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 2, 2010 7:12 PM

Hi, I also watched the show and felt that Dr. Phil was harsh and very insensitive to these parents. He had the mom in tears making her feel pretty bad. We already feel like failures and overwhelmed with the "monster" of addiction living in our children and recking our lives; Dr. Phil didn't have to belittle these parents to get his point across.

Winnie

Posts: 105
Registered: 9/26/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 2, 2010 9:49 PM

I did not see the show but as i read the posts i have a good idea what might of happened. Is Dr. Phil really a therapist - if so he should know better.

cindykay

Posts: 284
Registered: 6/5/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 6, 2010 10:12 AM

Sorry, but I have to disagree with the postings. I saw both of the Dr.Phil shows. The follow up was yesterday. First, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That was the parents. The mother cried. She needed to wake up and realize that her daughter was going to die. My daughter is a heroin addict and the drugs this girl was combining was a death sentence. What extremes would you go to to save your child? What these parents were not doing was causing the death of their child. The addict was on the show yesterday and did go into the rehab. She blatantly stated that her parents enabled her to continue her usage, as do most addicts. I too enabled my daughter. The price it has paid on my family, my marriage and my business is unmeasurable. I still question whether it can all be repaired. Today, should my daughter relapse, it will be different. She knows that and so do I. I love my daughter more than life itself, I despise the addict that dwells inside of her. I will not condone her addiction anymore and realize there was and is nothing I can do to save her. My daughter's addiction and the past 8 years is unique. Outside forces led to PTSD and the addiction was self medication. But today, her life is hers and her decisions to use or not to use are also hers. If what we have tried for so long has not worked, maybe it's time to try something else. Sorry if this seems harsh, but I have gone the full circle and am tired. Tired of drugs, needles, overdoses and near death experiences. If being strong for me and stating my boundaries keeps my daughter alive, then so be it. For today is has worked.

Winnie

Posts: 105
Registered: 9/26/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 6, 2010 10:09 PM

I did not see the shows but from the first few posts i got the impression that Dr. Phil was blaming the parents for the child being an addict. it took me a very long time to stop taking the ENTIRE blame i still take responsibility for some. But once i figured what was going on with my son if i enable i only have myself to blame because i have learned how smart and manipulative an addict can be. I stopped crying a long time ago - if my "mommy radar" is up i do not cry i talk to my son, i ask my husband if he also thinks something is wrong, i speak to a therapist - i go on the internet to look for recovery centres just in case - sitting around and crying is not going to solve anything. I am not saying a good cry every once in awhile is bad but is not a solution to this very awful problem. Now i am going to go and browse the internet to see if i can find the shows. I just might learn something.

kiah

Posts: 168
Registered: 8/18/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 7, 2010 2:08 AM

I am fortunate because my son has never blamed us and has always taken responsability for his addiction. But we did at times look back and ask if we went wrong at some point. I just think that blaming parents for enabling or anything else , is like taking some of the responability off of the addict. It is really all the addicts problem. They are the sick person, not the parents.IMO.

cindykay

Posts: 284
Registered: 6/5/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 7, 2010 9:19 AM

In response to the above posts. It was not that he was blaming the parents for the addiction. These were two loving parents who ALLOWED the continued use and turned their heads. They continued to financially support the addiction,the parents knowingly gave excuses for the addiction and the legal aspects and ramifications. There was no blame to the parents for the daughter becoming an addict, but there was definitely blame for allowing the behaviors and actions to willingly continue as death was knocking quietly on their daughter's door. They were told to attend Al-anon which they stated amazed them and finally allowed them to see what was happening in their lives. At the end these were two strong parents taking a stand to save their daughter.

3 Boys

Posts: 10
Registered: 12/29/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 7, 2010 3:27 PM

Everytime Dr. Phill has a show about addiction I watch always hoping to get a better understanding of how to help my son. Everytime it is the same thing, he sends the addict to rehab like its going to solve the problem. He never addresses what happens when they come home and relapse within days or how we are supposed to help them when they do. I wonder how Dr. Phill would react if it was his child that was addicted and everytime he listened to an expert it was to no avail. One thing I have learned on this walk is unless you have lived this nightmare you have no idea how complicated things really are.

lori-in-irvine

Posts: 109
Registered: 11/29/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 7, 2010 6:40 PM

Dr Phil is a CELEBRITY and his show is ENTERTAINMENT. He gave up his license to practice psychology in 2006 and is concerned with ratings, not treating patients. He got into trouble a couple of years ago when he tried to "cash in" on Britney Spear's emotional breakdown and a complaint was filed for legal and ethical abuses. His breach of her privacy was inexcuseable. Many sick and desperate people are exploited on his show. Dr Phil will oversimplify problems so that he can offer solutions wrapped up with a nice neat bow so he comes off as "an expert with the answers". I actually prefer Jerry Springer, at least he doesn't pretend to be a giant in the mental health field. Sorry for the bashing but I think Dr Phil does real harm to addicts and their families with his slanted and inaccurate views, parents have a hard enough time without someone as high profile as him adding to the misinformation out there. Enabling is a very real problem, all parents struggle with it to some degree, but Dr Phil crosses the line by making parents scapegoats, laying blame somewhere is easy and convenient but just not true.

kiah

Posts: 168
Registered: 8/18/09

Re: Dr Phil
Posted: Mar 8, 2010 2:01 PM

I hate to say it, but carma comes. I bet he has never experianced such pain as having an addicted child, much less anything else with them. If so, he hasnt shared that I know of. I believe , if you have not walked in anothers shoes, there is no advice that you could productively give. Sometimes, even if you are in their shoes , even no advice is valid. Not when it comes to addiction. Support is the only good thing in this situation.